Mr. Know-It-All: Star Wars-Averse Offspring, Earbud Etiquette, Compromising Coworkers
- By Brendan I. Koerner
- April 26, 2011 |
- 12:00 pm |
- Wired May 2011
Illustration: Christoph Niemann
I have two kids, ages 4 and 6. When I showed them Star Wars, they said it was boring and refused to watch. How do I get them into the saga?
If your progeny were meh on any other sci-fi classic, my advice would boil down to “get over it.” But the first Star Wars is a special case—it’s the most sacred cultural touchstone for anyone born between the Ford and Reagan administrations. If your children don’t know Star Wars, can they ever truly know you? This is why it’s important to keep trying to get them to see the power of the Force.
It won’t be easy. By today’s narrative standards, Star Wars: A New Hope suffers from glacial pacing. Contemporary kiddie entertainment has primed your progeny to expect nonstop action instead of talky scenes about droid sales and Imperial politics.
To keep things lively, you need to make the Star Wars experience more active. “Get the kids off the couch while watching the movie,” advises Kevin Decker, coeditor of the book Star Wars and Philosophy. Equip them with ersatz lightsabers and have them whack at a makeshift training remote; wrap brown towels around their bodies and encourage them to be Jawas; turn a cardboard box and some packing peanuts into the Death Star’s garbage compactor.
Willing to get sacrilegious? Then swallow your disdain for Jar Jar Binks and show them The Phantom Menace before retrying A New Hope. “Anakin is a kid in it, and there’s a reason that kids’ films almost always feature protagonists the same age as the viewers,” explains Kevin Wetmore Jr., author of Empire Triumphant: Race, Religion, and Rebellion in the Star Wars Films.
But unlike a Jedi, you should keep “try” in your vocabulary. You must accept that it is possible your offspring will never become Star Wars converts. If that ends up being the case, control your feelings or you’ll be giving in to your own personal dark side. All padawans must choose their own path.
I’ve found an online photo of a coworker in a tiny bikini. Should I keep the picture to myself, or is it fair game to share since it’s on a public site?
Fair game? I believe you missed your calling as a lawyer. You may indeed be in the legal clear here, given that the photo was technically available to the masses. If Miss Bikini lost her job due to your ogling and sharing, she couldn’t sue you into oblivion.
But what good could possibly come of publicizing your coworker’s curves? Even if she avoided the boss’s wrath, she’d probably think you’re a jerk—and she’d be right.
And while you’d likely win a lawsuit, there are often unexpected repercussions for jerks. “An employee who introduces material into the workplace that opens up the employer to sexual harassment suits might risk discipline or discharge,” says Dianne Avery, a professor at the University at Buffalo Law School. If pranksters posted the bikini pic on the break-room refrigerator, for example, your boss could give you the boot for putting the company in legal jeopardy.
So stay mum about your coworker’s bod. There are plenty of other women whose Internet assets can be admired without causing workplace dissension. Have you seen Angela Merkel’s wrists lately? One word: hot.
What’s the earbud etiquette when someone asks for a quick listen to whatever song I’m rocking on my iPhone? Am I obligated to give the buds a wipe-down before passing them along?
I can understand why earwax gets a bad rap: It’s weirdly sticky, puslike in color, and smells ever so faintly of Velveeta. But unless you have a history of ear infections, that gunk is generally innocuous. Gordon Siegel, an otolaryngologist at Northwestern Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago, says that “it’s unlikely you’re going to do any great harm” by sharing earbuds but that it’s not “advisable.” He also stresses that you commit a much riskier act every time you plunge a Q-tips swab into an ear canal (the bane of otolaryngologists the world over).
Though earwax isn’t a public-health menace, it’s still pretty icky, especially in large quantities. So inspect your earbuds before handing them over, and ponder the Golden Rule: Would you want that much foreign earwax touching your own body? Let your honest answer to that question guide your “to wipe or not to wipe” decision.
Need help navigating life in the 21st century? Email us at mrknowitall@wired.com.
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